Parenting a Teen

wow!!

2010-01-06T07:17:00.002-05:00

oh my goodness!! has it really been since May that I've blogged anything!?!? shame on me!! guess I've just been busy w/other things. O is 16 now. hard to believe that's possible, but the date on the calendar doesn't lie. this years birthday celebration was so much different from years past. part of it wasn't even spent w/us, but w/Kyle. so now she's of the age that it's not as big a deal as it once was. I remember when that happened to me. she's been shopping for cars w/her dad, but has't had much luck. I keep saying that there isn't a rush since she doesn't have her license until February anyway. so she can just keep looking and if nothing presents itself right away, it's not a big deal.

she's still working every day delivering papers. doing well too. she likes having money. I know I always did when I was her age as well. and she likes that it doesn't conflict w/her extracurriculars since she delivers in the morning. I keep wondering if another job will present itself though that will be more appealing to her? we'll just have to see about that.

we've been looking around for scholarships that she can qualify for when it's time to apply. making a folder to keep them in so we won't have *as much* searching and reading to do when it comes time to start filling out applications. praying that it all goes well.

guess I don't have much else to say, so I'll close this out for now.

blessings all around!!

2009-05-30T14:45:00.002-04:00

Ok, so the last time I wrote it was New Years. Amazing how this time has flown by!! Now it's the end of the year, and O has already performed w/the Swing Choir at the Commencement Ceremony last night, and summer has now officially begun. For the next few weekends we'll be attending Graduation parties and such. Should be fun. Nice to be able to wish kids good luck as they head off to college and begin their new lives. :o)

In the meantime, O will begin driving classes on June 1st and another phase in her life is here. I'm not feelng melancholic about this one, but once she drives away on her own, that may hit me. I don't know yet. She has a job actually two jobs for this summer and beyond, so she'll be working hard and sleeping a lot. And when she's not doing that, she'll be laying out in the pool trying to be brown for summer. And of course there are rehearsals still. And since McHale flooded, the play has been moved from June 13 and blah blah other dates, to July 16. So that is prolonged, which I wish wasn't the case, but that's life. So once that's over, then maybe we can breathe a sigh of relief and relax a little.

O will be heading off w/her dad here in a bit to look around at a car lot for a car for her. I find that exciting!! I know O does too. She might not like that she's paying for it herself, but hey, it will be hers. And that's pretty cool!! :o)

Ok, enough rambling. I'll post a pic from yesterday before the ceremony.

Blessings,

Margo

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-03T10:52:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year!! Hard to believe it's 2009 already. The time has flown once again, and I find myself looking back @ a year that's past and I wonder, what the heck did I do w/those 12 months!??!?! By the looks of my calendar, I was one pretty busy woman. I had a lot of good things going on, getting together w/friends and forging new friendships. Trying on new roles in committees *that I'm not sure about still* and finding a new love. That would be our kitten Tiger btw. I don't want anyone to think I've traded Brian in. *lol*

As far as O goes, so much has changed in her life this past year. She's amazing!! She applied for a job after Christmas was over, and we're sort of waiting to hear about that. And once Sonic opens she plans on heading there to put her pen to paper and fill out an application. She's a little freaked she may have to learn how to rollerskate, but we'll just see. My thought is, at least she would get excercise. ;o)

Once school starts this week, O will be directing LCTV solo w/out Senor Kimbler looking over her shoulder. She's pumped about that. I know she'll have some bumps along the way, but I do know as well that she'll do a great job!! She's just loving this new role in her life.

She's been checking out colleges too. So she's thinking further down the road and deciding she wants something more for herself than her parents have. Good girl!! Right now she's talking Anderson and DePauw. She's really interested in DePauw and even went online and did some research yesterday and took some notes. So we may be making a visit someday in the near future to see what it's like up close & personal.

Right now I guess that's about it. The family is still sleeping. Guess that's ok, it's Saturday and we have no place to go today and friends aren't coming over till later tonight, so.......

Happy New Year everyone!! Be Blessed!!

It's nearly Christmas!!

2008-12-14T14:19:00.000-05:00

It's been a crazy few weeks. SO many things going on. Concerts/performances, etc. I'm actually surprised that I'm home this afternoon for a few hours. *lol* Life has gotten somewhat complicated over the past month w/all of the bad news about the economy. Brian is now working a 4 days work week, which is a little scary, but thankfully he still has his job and there is a pretty good chance he'll be back to a 5 day week after Christmas break. So we're tightening our belts and praying we can weather this storm together. God is good and He always provides. I know He will this time. Surprisingly, O has done well w/this news/tightening. She understands that there are certain things we can't do anymore as a result. I'm thankful that there's no moaning and complaining about things.

So on to different subjects. O is the editor of the high school TV channel ~ it's called LCTV. And w/this role she's definitely matured some. She has a lot of responsibility to get the broadcast on every day as they go live. She is handling it well. I'm proud of what I'm seeing. To know that if she continues for the rest of her high school years that she will have been the first editor for LCTV, she wants to make sure that it's a good legacy and one to be proud of. She's teaching her staff how to do things and making sure that she's fair in her decisions. She takes the reins of actually directing solo after Christmas break. Her broadcast teacher will be handing over the *God mike* to her. She's jazzed. And I'm jazzed for her.

She knows that she needs to treat people w/kindness & respect. And to not think less of someone because of their place in class rank or whatnot. But to get to know people and then make a judgement about who they are. Valuable lesson indeed. :o)

Ok, I'm rambling, she's blowing behind me, I'm having trouble concentrating, so this is a short blog. But at least I posted a picture of the Winter Concert. ;o)

life lessons

2008-11-23T14:52:00.000-05:00

You know, we can't shield our kids from the world, but there sure are times that I would like to. This past week has been rough on O for a couple of reasons. She's in Cinderella, so there have been a lot of late nights and just waiting around for her scene and whatnot and of course tempers have flared amongst other cast members. O is not new to this, she's been doing plays since 3rd grade. But I think she saw a side of some girls who are supposed to be leaders amongst her peers that really put her off. If that wasn't enough, she experienced it last night at the hands of a girl from our church when we went for dessert after the play last night. And seeing as I had experienced her rudeness earlier in the evening by way of a snub, I certainly wasn't in the mood. We talked a lot about things that have been going on and the mean way some kids have been treated this past week and my lovely funloving daughter informed us that she learned that she won't treat others this way. That she's supposed to be an example to those that are younger than her. And even though we don't like the way that some of the girls have been behaving, we know we're told to love them in spite of how we *feel*. So that's what we are going to have to do.

Sure would rather get in bed and throw the covers over my head though and just wrap ourselves in a protective cocoon and be done w/it. We sort of did that today by not going to church and sleeping in before she had to be up to the play. But it shouldn't have to be that way. 'Ya know? Attitudes are definitely painful. That's why we need our attitude to be like Christs. As hard as that may be, we are going to live that way.

So that's my ramble for today. Wish I had some decent Cinderella pix to post, but unfortunately the lights don't make for good pix so I'll keep them to myself. ;o)

Be a blessing to someone today. Let them know that they are loved.

Love to all!!

Swing ~

2008-10-29T07:48:00.000-04:00

Last night was the first dress performance for Swing Choir. Well the first for O. There are others who have been in it a couple of years or more, so......

It was sort of surreal actually. Her prep time here at home was all non chalant and no big deal sort of. I was really surprised she wasn't nervous. But she was just excited to get up there onstage and just perform. She looked so pretty & grown up when she came out of her room. And you could tell she was *as she says* pumped about this experience. She said "mom do you remember me asking you 3 years ago if I could do that. That I want to do that someday." Of course I remember that, and so I watched my daughters dream come true last night. How awesome that I could be there to witness that once more. Another dream come true.

Then I sat in the semi dark theatre and watched all sorts of choirs take the stage and I saw some kids that I haven't seen in awhile and it made my heart flip a little to see how they've grown. It was awesome. When the Swing Choir finally took the stage, it just felt as if I was in some sort of dream state though. I saw my beautiful daughter standing there in her glittery dress, holding her hat & cane and I let it unfold before me as if I had no idea what was going to happen. I took a little video, but after 44 seconds I stopped because I wanted to see this moment live and not through a camera lens.

Thank you God that I am able to experience this w/her. That you allow this wonderful young person into my life so that I can be a part of all of these exciting times. I am forever grateful to You for Your love for me that You would bless me w/this wonderful creature. I pray that I can be the mom that I am supposed to be to her so that she will bring glory to Your precious name. I love You w/all I have in me, and I love her to the moon and back!! Amen.

the closet clause ~

2008-10-21T09:40:00.000-04:00

For a few years now we've been dealing w/a lack of appreciation for all the good gifts that God bestows on us. One of the largest areas seems to be about clothing. We purchase lots of pretty items that willingly go into Os closet and then seem to disappear for some reason. Oh, they may be worn once or twice, but for the most part she has an ensemble that she prefers and wears it over & over again. So yesterday morning was another semi battle about how there are so many pieces of clothing just hanging in her closet collecting dust because when I asked her to wear her new jacket she told me that "it's ridiculous to do that since I'll only wear it 5 minutes to walk into the building". This from the same girl that begged for that jacket and assured me that she'd wear it.

So of course I was frustrated when I dropped her at school and just went to the Lord about "what to do." And I pray that what I heard was from Him, I sat in His presence quietly for some time, and it's the only message that I heard so.......

I emptied her closet of everything that she doesn't wear except for her ensemble. So basically it is down to 5-6 t-shirts and some jeans and sweats. I left her fancy dresses in there because I know that she can't wear them daily, so they were unaffected. And I piled her clothes in my room. I prayed the rest of the day about how to handle this, how to tell her that I had done this, and when to tell her.

When we got home, she had her swing choir dress, how ironic, right? But maybe it was planned that way? I don't know. So she was excited about having her dress for swing choir and then I open her closet door and show her it's remains. She was angry instantly. But then I explained to her that this is pretty much all she wears anyway, so what was the problem? As a matter of fact, what she was wearing yesterday was also part of her ensemble. An old Aeropastale hoodie from the 6th grade that's all ripped up and a pair of jeans. So it sort of helped prove my point.

I explained to her that this would be her closet for the next 2 weeks and that her attitude would determine how much of it she would get back. I explained that she didn't have a grateful heart about all that God blesses her with, and that if she did, she wouldn't take it for granted. Of course she was angry and upset during this discourse, but I really believe that this is what God conveyed to me.

I had talked w/Brian about this beforehand to ask him his thoughts and get his approval and ask for his backing on this, which he gave. So when he came home, he knew what was happening and why. We both talked w/her for awhile about things and tried to explain things in a practical way. For example ~ I grabbed 2 coats out of our front closet and explained to her that the total for the coats was 150.00 w/out accessories that accompany them, and that I have to work 6 hours in order to pay for them. And that was just for those 2 coats that she won't wear *because one is too heavy and the other itches* and didn't include the enormous pile of clothes in our bedroom.

This morning when she dressed, she had a couple of comments that were sort of under her breath, but I just ignored it and went on w/my devotion time as usual. Before she went to leave, I let her know that it was 41 degrees, and she was probably going to be cold unless she wore a coat, and she informed me that she didn't have a jacket to wear. I asked her what her choice would be and she said that she wanted to wear one that was in my room *that I just purchased about a month ago for her, and she had assured me she would wear it* so I escorted her to my store and pulled out a nice new jacket for her to wear. She seemed appreciative.

Now of course if she walks out of the building w/out her jacket and wearing some kids hoodie today, then I'm going to have a different feeling than I do right now. But I am praying that I'm getting the message across here. Sure wish there were guarantees w/parenting, but there aren't. And it's definitely not for wimps. AGH!!

So wish me luck on my experiment and pray w/me that O will recognize how blessed she is and not take things for granted.

College

2008-10-04T09:08:00.000-04:00

God is certainly mysterious. *lol* I received a magazine in the mail yesterday from Campus Life about college choices. Never had received one ever before. So I start looking through it, because we're close to that phase of life. And I find a page that lists the things that we should be doing w/O at each stage of her high school years. And one that was listed for now was to go to a college fair. So I check out the link and there are none in Indiana, but there are some in Illinois.

I check that one out and there is one as soon as Monday and running all next week and longer, but they also had links to various colleges on the site as well. O had shown some interest in Anderson University when she saw me looking through the magazine and so I clicked on that one. When the homepage opens, it not only indicates that there is a communication/theatre arts program that would totally suit her, but they are performing Seussical the Musical next weekend and the weekend following. She screamed, mom that's a sign!! *lol* I guess I've passed that sign thing on to her.

So we start looking around the site and check out the info about communications/theatre arts, and she's pretty impressed. She asks to take a tour online of the campus. And one of the first little dots we click on opens the church which is Church of God. Ok, another sign!! ;o) She likes what she sees as we're going along and she's getting more excited. Of course we're both stunned by the sticker price, but if God means for her to attend this college, then He will make a way, right?

So it looks like in the next month or so we'll be heading to Anderson *where Sandy Patti is from btw* and checking things out. And if we really like it, we'll set up an official college visit. Nice thing too, it's only 1 hour and 44 minutes away. So far enough to be away from mom & dad, but close enough to come home once in awhile if she wants. I like that, and she does too!! :O)

So we'll see what happens.

An awesome weekend!!

2008-09-29T09:50:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how quickly this weekend flew by. SO much activity and seems like so little time. But it was nice to have family time squeezed in there. Homecoming was Friday, so of course we went to the game. O went to the dance afterwards. Seems like there is a new fella on the horizon. He found us where we were sitting and sat and talked w/O the entire time. He actually made conversation w/us too. WOW!!! It's strange, but I think this is the first boy that seemed to *fit* O. That you didn't look at them and say, ok, what does she see in him? Or, they don't belong together. That sort of thing. Anyway, who knows what will happen? Not me!! *lol*

Saturday Brian & I went to see Fireproof!! I highly recommend it. We did some talking on the way home and both agreed that we've let the ball drop since O was born. We just have been so focused on her, that we let our marriage slide. This is something we definitely need to work on. O had hung out at Brandys in the afternoon because there was a Swing Choir performance, so we dashed over there after the movie and watched her sing & dance. Love that!! She was in a terrific mood after the concert!!

Yesterday of course was filled w/church activities. But imagine my surprise when I walked in for service and found out that the youth praise band would be helping w/worship in the sanctuary. And O is a part of the youth PB. So there she was, prepping. Good thing I had gone and exchanged a pair of jeans for her right before heading to church, because she needed to change out of her sweats. Must have been a God thing!! :o)

Then the weekend was over. And now it's Monday morning and I'm wishing that we had some time back. But hey, tomorrow is early release day and maybe I'll get to hang out w/O in the afternoon for awhile? Who knows?

Blessings ~

See you at the pole!!

2008-09-24T08:18:00.000-04:00

Every year that I leave O off at the flagpole at the school she is attending to pray, I get this feeling inside of me. I don't know how to explain it really. I guess maybe it's a feeling of pride. Knowing that she's willing to do this. To put herself out there and proclaim that she's a Christian and that she prays for her school and her friends. But it's something else too. It's a humbling experience for me. I was definitely not like that when I was her age. Oh, I knew who God was. I had searched for Him my whole life it seemed and really hadn't found Him. I just wasn't looking hard enough. By the time I was Os age, I was into all sorts of things I shouldn't have been. I was running away from all the pain in my life. And I was going the way of the world. O seems to be eschewing that!! Praise God!!

I had a meeting last night and she was home for a bit by herself. When I came in, she was on the computer *what a surprise, right?* and so I asked her what she was doing, I happened to look down and see my Joyce Meyer Little Purple book. So I say, ok, what's up? Who is needing Scripture right now? She fills me in how she's trying to help a friend and she knew she'd be able to find exactly what she was looking for quickly by going to that book. So while I was sitting in a meeting at the high school *105 minutes of my life I'll never get back btw* she was here sitting in the same place I'm sitting now, sharing Gods Word through the computer screen. Humbling!!

There are days that I just don't recognize my daughter. The attitude is in place, this person that looks like her, except when she has the emo hairdo, walks around the house in a funk/mood or whatever and I think, I'm screwing this up Lord. There's something wrong here, and I don't know what to do about it. And then something like this happens, a friend needs help, and she reaches out and there's the daughter I'm raising!! I think I just hit on something. She needs to be serving. That's what ignites her faith!! I know that does it for me too!! Sheesh, am I dense or what? So I just need to pray that God sends along all sorts of opportunities for O to serve and that she is obedient and acts on them, and then I will see her attitude be more in line w/Gods Will for her.

Ok, how cool is that??!??!?! :o)

So between that incident and last night seeing her for the first time in a new skit for drama team, using her best British/Australian accent, I had a pretty contented feeling/time w/my daughter. Not only THAT ~ she actually sat down to talk w/me when I got home!!! WOO HOO!!!!! :o)

Ok, I'm off to start the day. Sorry for the ramble, but......

Blessings ~

Swing time!!

2008-09-21T13:42:00.000-04:00

So last night was Os first performance in the Swing Choir. They performed for a reunion for the LHS class of 1953. It was fun to watch actually. Although I wish that Mr. C would put more *swing* in the swing choir part of it. I know it's inevitable that there will be songs sung that are slower paced, but there is a meloncholia that I wonder about often and have for years. I guess I think swing choir music should be toe tapping and make 'ya wanna dance. :o)

I started giggling last night when I realized that O was holding hands at one point w/Zach R. I think the two of them are adjusting to this development, but it still remains a tad awkward. They've known each other about 3 years I suppose, but basically didn't have a whole lot to say to one another in youth group or anything and now here they are dancing together. They are in totally different worlds, but hopefully they will be able to forget about the awkwardness and move on. Especially since they'll also be in debate together as well. So maybe after all this time they will finally become friends? Or at least understand one another a little? Who knows?

Anyhoo ~ I'm going to post a couple pix. Darn lights always make it hard to get decent pix, and w/our camera being what it is, well.......

Saturdays

2008-09-13T09:22:00.000-04:00

I love Saturdays!! There is a calm on this day that there isn't on the others. It's the day when it's ok to sleep late, to lay on the sofa after breakfast and just BE. That's what is happening at our house right now. There is a nice quiet. O is more herself on days like this. When the pull & tug of life isn't licking at her flip flops. When she can just hang out and do whatever she feels like. It's like those bygone days of her childhood. When we didn't have a million places to run to because we didn't know a whole lot of people and she hadn't started school yet. Those were the days. When we could go see a balloon making clown and show up on the wrong day. Or was it the wrong time? I can't remember now. And still find something else to do. When going to the fair didn't mean that you had to figure out which day would fit into your schedule, but you just went and you went to see the animals and talk about their characteristics. And to eat fair food. Not so you could be seen by some kids at school and ride really scary rides. Those were the days!!

When pajama day was top on our list of things to do. And grabbing a bag of apples and heading to the nearest horse corral *I don't know what else to call them* to feed horses for awhile and talk about how big their tongues were and how we liked this colored one vs the black ones. Back in those days we could go down to her playroom and have tea parties or she would *cook* a meal for us on her hamburger cart. It was always something fancy like lobster & cheesecake. And she would serve it to us on little plates and always made sure to make me my favorite hazelnut coffee. Those were the days.

I began thinking about all of this last night when we cleared her desk out of that area and were sitting looking at how bare it was. And remembering the days of rocking her in the rocking chair. And watching her play w/her guys and listening to her read or reading to her. I recalled w/wonder what a lovely blessing I have in my life. But I miss those childhood days. When the world didn't encroach as much. Because as Brian & I were reminiscing, she was on the phone w/Isaac. More proof that those days are slipping away faster than a speeding train. And yet, I know that she craves this time of just being, because unlike so many other teens, she's not *plugged in* right now to her cellphone *oh she will be later* and surfing the net *well that's because I'm on the computer right now *lol* instead she's laying on the sofa enjoying the quiet, snuggled w/Tiger enjoying just being. And that's a good thing.

So I think I'll make myself some of my favorite hazelnut coffee and instead of my little girl bringing me a cup, I'll bring her a cup and we'll enjoy some quiet together!!

Live, Laugh, Love!!

THE party!!

2008-09-10T09:58:00.000-04:00

Like the red? Seems fitting since I'm about to talk about Marilyn Monroe. *lol* As you can see to the right there, O dolled herself up as the former movie starlet. I think she did a pretty good job of it too. There really wasn't any mistaking who she was. :o) She had a real good time. Since we don't celebrate Halloween, this was the first time *except when she's in a play* that she has dressed in a costume in public. So it was pretty cool for her. Had to laugh though, I knew the heels would come off shortly after they were on. She is a lot like me in that respect, heels and our feet just don't mix well.

So *Arthur* called about a half a dozen times that day to ask questions about what to do about his costume etc. I think he looks reasonably like Arthur Miller w/out glasses and the little bit of gray at the temples. Frankly, I think the *happy couple* were the most creative out of the entire group. Of course the guest of honor was lovely as a princess, and her date was Prince Charming, and that was very sweet. But basically there were a couple of nerds *no personalities here, just costumes* and a gangster. Most of the other kids didn't even dress up.

All in all it was a fun night, and I still have a stack of pix to scrapbook from the event. Guess I'll do a little of that this morning. :o)

Not much to blog about today except that. Hope everyone has a terrific day!!

boys boys boys!!

2008-09-06T09:45:00.000-04:00

It comes as no surprise that my daughter is going to be interested in boys. And that they will be interested in her. She's a funny, beautiful, talented girl. Of course boys are going to be interested!! I just didn't realize how complicated this all was going to be. Not because I was a hermit as a teenager, I was hardly that. But I think we were a little less, I'll love you forever & always. I don't know. I remember some heavy duty crushes and all, but I don't remember having boys tell me how much they loved me after only knowing me for a day or two. It's madness!!

O is in the thick of it right now. And I'm really proud of how she's handling things. There is one particular boy who has been *panting after her* for over a year. And she has been forthright and honest w/him & let him know that she cares for him as a friend, but that it really can't be any more than that. For a couple of weeks she explored her feelings and thought maybe she felt something more than that, but when it came right down to it, she was afraid that in the end he would be horribly hurt if something happened to their relationship. So she let him know that she cares too much about their friendship to do that. It would be too awkward for them after the fact. I'm proud that she realizes that it would hurt him. I also realize something else......

The relationship that she had w/E ~ made an enormous impact on her. She doesn't want to get hurt like that again. And she doesn't want to hurt anyone. It will make it rather difficult for her to ever break up w/anyone as a result. So I think for O it's just easier to like someone from afar than to get right up close. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I guess I feel it's a mixed bag. On the one hand, I'm glad that she's not going to be in a too serious relationship, because she's too young. Dating should be fun. Go out to the movies, bowling, dinner, football games, talk on the phone, etc. But at the same time, I worry about her wanting to love from a distance. I am afraid that she'll hold people at arms length because she's afraid to be hurt. Thing is, life hurts sometimes. So now I have to pray that we can talk about this openly and w/out her rolling her eyes and avoiding the subject. She did some talking w/me last night, but only to a point.

I do know one thing, when she walks into that party tonight as Marilyn, it's going to be hard for the boy that has been panting to be able to act like he doesn't notice her. I pray that they can just have fun as friends. Gosh, this is all so complicated!! I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore!! *lol*

thankful

2008-09-03T10:32:00.000-04:00

This isn't necessarily about parenting a teen, but it's life stuff and about parents, so........

I was doing my usual Tuesday night routine last night when I got sidetracked by another mom at church. We began talking and before I knew it, I was hearing the most horrific stories of her childhood and that of her husband. There were several times I wanted to cry. But I didn't want to start an emotional scene. What I heard connected the rest of the pieces of the puzzle for me though. I have felt since the day we began going to this church that she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. And now I know why.

I found myself wondering what it would have been like to grow up in that world. Where you were never safe. Never loved. Never protected. It was devastating to me to even think about. I thanked God that He put in me the ability to love my daughter and to protect her and to try and do my best for her each day. And then I thanked God for my parents. And even though they weren't perfect, they never perpetrated these horrible offenses against me. And I survived w/a little of my sanity at least. I cried myself to sleep a little. Feeling as if there was something I needed to do to *rescue* this family. That's me, Mrs. Fix It. But then I realized that there is nothing that I can do. The damage has been done. The only one who can fix this now is God. He has the power to heal and restore. So that is my prayer for this family. Healing & Restoration.

But I am thankful beyond measure for what He has done in my life and how He has led me all these years down the path that He has. And how He has delivered me from a multitude of past hurts and sins that I have committed. God is good!! And I pray that someday O will have a fire for the Lord that burns so brightly no one will be able to extinguish it. And that she will look back on her childhood years and have good memories of things we've done together and the life that we all shared.

God Bless every family ~

Betty vs Marilyn

2008-09-02T08:50:00.000-04:00

So here's a funny tale to share. O comes home one day and lets us know that she's been invited to Bs Sweet 16 party and it's a character party. *this tickles O because we don't celebrate Halloween, and dressing up has always been a kick for her, but to do it in public, well, that's the ultimate!!* She decides she wants to be Betty Boop. I'm thinking, ok, this is a church crowd I'm not so sure that will go over. But I try to keep my opinions to myself and pray that her mind will be changed. *excuse me while I watch our kitten try to look out the window by balancing himself on the arm of the other office chair. too cute how he's stretched up there looking!!* Ok, I'm back!! *lol* So Saturday we head to Kokomo to see The Longshot *good movie btw ~ made Brian cry, but then again, what movie doesn't? ;o)* And before going to dinner, we stop over at a dress shop in the mall right near the movie theatre to find Bettys costume.

In we go and she starts showing me cute tops and skirts and such, but no dresses. I'm beginning to think that this was a ruse to get more clothes. And seeing as we just had a shopping trip last weekend, I'm thinking that we better get down to business. So we head to the back of the store where the dresses are buy 1 get 1 50% off. And the dresses are marked down quite a bit in the first place. At first we're not finding anything that would be Betty. And then O says, is this a flapper type dress? I look & say, not really. Are you thinking of going as a flapper? She says that she's considering it. So we begin looking along those lines. Nothing really does the trick. There are a lot of dresses which I would consider disco looking, but nothing flapper-ish. ;o) Then I find this white halter dress. And I offhandedly say, well this one is sort of a Marilyn Monroe dress. And the next thing I know, I'm dressing my daughter to be Marilyn Monroe!!

GREAT!! Just what I need, a sex kitten that overdosed over 40 years ago. But I try to remember that this is in the spirit of fun, and she's SO excited, so.......I tag along. That's what I find myself doing a lot of. Tagging along. She finds another floor length dress that is just beautiful. White halter on top, black pleated on the bottom and says she can get that for one of the dances coming up. So I say, sure, try them on. I go looking for shoes to match the white MM dress and of course find perfect ones. Almost as if it's meant to be. *that phrase always reminds me of Robert on Everybody Loves Raymond!* She comes out in the MM dress and of course is a knock out. I show her the shoes, she LOVES them of course!! And there we go, we have the costume. Just need some really red lipstick, red nails and um, a blonde wig. THAT might not be so easy to come by.

She tries on the other dress, and of course she looks lovely in that one too, and best of all, she has shoes that will work w/it. *lol* So we make our purchases and then go to dinner. After dinner we look around Kokomo for a blonde wig, no such luck. Believe it or not, Hannah Montana is all we can find, and some of them are just pieces, not whole wigs. We come home and look a few places and no one has anything. So I go online and I find a cheapie one that I'm praying will be here by Friday since the party is Saturday. If it isn't, well O is going to be a light brown haired Marilyn. *lol*

What's funny to me is that I'm seeing her growing up right before my eyes and it's like this speeding train that can't be stopped. I'm aware that I'm in the moment and that all these life experiences are taking place, but it's a little surreal in that she was my baby just yesterday!! And now she's this lovely young woman who as of Friday already has a summer job lined up for June of '09 and I'm thinking, HOLD ON HERE!!!! This can't be happening!! She's still my baby!! And now, after all of this blathering, I finally have figured out why I have been on the verge of tears since yesterday. Time is slipping away from me. Before I know it, she'll not need me anymore and she'll be on her own, w/her own life, making her own decisions and I'll have to deal w/that. Not seeing her. Not being there for all the details of her life. Not be waiting outside the dressing room while she tries on dresses. Or see her go from blue jeans and a t-shirt to the lovely young woman in the fancy dress. I won't be there for any of that.

Will she even want to go to movies w/us in a few months? Or dinner? Or will she be too grown up for that? Busy w/her friends? Or school stuff? When she was small and still used to sit at the table and eat breakfast in the morning, I wrote about how quickly the time would come when I wouldn't see her there in the morning, and that time arrived last school year. She grabs something and crams it in her backpack for later. Now all I can look forward to is dinner. To see her face and know how much I love her and how much of my life I have poured into her, and how I have prayed that she would love God w/all her heart and soul. And before I know it, she'll be sitting at her own table, and I won't see her face at my table except for special occasions. So now the tears fall. That realization is just so difficult for me. How did this happen? When did she go from being my little cherub to Marilyn Monroe? How did this day arrive SO quickly??

I once told my sil who had said, "wait until she does this, or this. wait until this phase hits." "I replied, I want to live in the present and enjoy each moment as it comes, because they will pass so quickly, I don't want to miss anything." So now I have to really be vigilant about that. Live each moment she allows me to w/her. And prize them, because soon she'll be making her own moments w/new people in her life.

So Saturday I'll take Marilyn to the party, and I'll take pix like I always do, and I'll try not to cry. I'll come home & spend the evening w/my husband, reacquainting myself w/him again, and realize that it's time that we all make new lives, and adjust to how our lives are changing.

Blessings ~

protection

2008-08-29T08:04:00.000-04:00

My daughter has called me overprotective on many occasions. "other kids get to do this .......fill in the blank" "sometimes you treat me like a baby" The words sting, I can't lie. They make me examine myself and wonder, am I hovering? Am I having trouble letting go? And sometimes I admit, the answer is yes. But after last nights incident here in town, and only a few blocks away, I think I'm right to be a little overprotective.

A man who was being served a warrant, holed himself up in his house, the S.W.A.T. team was called and when they busted down the door, they found him dead from a self inflicted gunshot wound. His offense? Child solicitation. I'm heartsick. Just heartsick. See ~ we've talked many times about O walking to school. But I have this thing in my head about the route she has to take and how it weaves in and around a mess of houses in behind us and how people can be lurking. It happened about three years ago actually. Some guy sitting in his car, police were called and he was escorted away. I know this because when I waited for my daughter to meet me at the designated spot after school, the crossing guard found me suspicious and got in my face.

I come from a big city where crime was at my doorstep most of the time. No joke, no lie. Sometimes while we were sleeping, people were burglarizing us. One time, we heard someone trying to break our door down. Thankfully we had a sturdy door. But coming from that, I have trouble just letting my kid walk all over the place unaccompanied. There aren't kids for her to walk w/to school in this neighborhood unfortunately, and I just can't bring myself to let her do it alone. I've walked w/her to school many times. Not to the door or anything, but to a certain point, made sure she got the rest of the way safely and then went for my own morning walk.

At what point do I finally learn to trust? I find myself wrestling w/it often. It's not trusting O that is the problem, it's all the other folks out there who may not care about my daughter and her safety. Having her run down to the drugstore for a needed item even makes me a little tense. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but I still have her call to let me know she got there ok. It's not just people approaching her, it's the crazy drivers and the possibility of getting hit by a car.

What will happen when she goes off to college? Will I be able to function, sleep, live? Or will I spend my days in constant worry and dread about what's happening w/her? I hear stories all the time about kids that end up missing, hurt, dead. The thought kills me inside. And yet I know that everything is in Gods control. So why can't I let that part of me that has that dread surrender to God and let Him take it? I guess that's something that I'm going to have to confess to Him and let Him deal w/in my life. I don't have much time. In a few years, this will be a reality in my life.

Guess I'd better go and start praying.

Blessings ~

dealing w/it

2008-08-28T17:55:00.000-04:00

I'm hoping that Brian & I got through to O tonight about this whole inability to get herself motivated to be ready for school in a manner that isn't driving us nuts!! I prayed this morning about how to handle this. And I repented of the way that I left O off at school *I hate when there is tension between us when she gets out of the car* and my Heavenly Father spoke to my spirit and let me know that this isn't my problem, but that it rests w/O. And I conveyed that to her tonight. I let her know that she has to see this in terms of the BIG picture. Her future ability to get herself to where she needs to be and be a self starter is on the line here.

Thankfully I think I saw her listening and comprehending. Thing is, this is a terrific kid!! She's fun and loving and has leadership ability, she just lacks in the area of self starting and follow through. So we just need to get a handle on that. She's stepping into new territory here. She's been on drama team at church for awhile now, and she loves being able to minister. But there is lack in the area of personal devotion time. Again ~ follow through. Only doing one part and not putting the other component in the mix. She's also a part of the youth praise band. But once again, it requires personal devotion time and she's not doing that. She's also been tapped to be the editor of the new broadcast class at the high school. So she will be in charge of getting the program on the air and will have people working under her. *ironically the headset she's using is called the God set or ears or something like that ~ I don't know how I feel about that, but......* She's also in Swing Choir this year, which will require more work from her and extra things going on before and after school. And yesterday she was asked to be on the debate team. I know from experience she'll be GREAT at that!! *lol*

So I'm seeing that she is going to have a lot going on and that she's going to need to be organized so she knows when she has to be somewhere and where she's supposed to be. And she can't rely on my to do that for her all the time. She's old enough now to be able to keep a calendar for herself. Right now she's out at the soccer field w/Brian helping w/that. Another ministry that she's involved in. Maybe I don't praise her enough for the good she does. Maybe there's some failure on my part that I need to be honest about and maybe then she would plug in more?

Now I'm rambling. Figures!! It's always the mothers fault!! ;o)

Blessings ~

Margo

It's Wednesday ~ what should I expect?

2008-08-27T10:01:00.000-04:00

This morning wasn't a good one in our household. O hasn't been feeling well the past couple of days, and has been dragging in the morning. But she knew she had things she needed to accomplish in order to be ready to leave for school this morning ~ ie: making a lunch and getting to school early enough to meet w/her guidance counselor to change her schedule. She's got this thing going where she has her clock set a few minutes behind mine so that she doesn't have to get up at the same time. Well no matter what time her clock is set for, it's still 6:30AM and time keeps passing no matter how many times she hits her snooze button. So I'm a little uptight this AM, because I called her guidance counselor yesterday to make sure she could see her this morning since O has tried twice this week already unsuccessfully and in Os words ~ "it's IMPORTANT!!!" So I'm saying, get up get up!! We need to get going. And as usual, the snails pace is in place this morning and she continues to move at the speed of well, a SNAIL!!! Amazing how she only has one speed when it's something like this, but if it's something that she's motivated to do, then she's good to go and can get up w/out a problem. I keep wondering how this will effect her in REAL life when she has to say ~ GO TO WORK!!!! ;o)

So of course, we're both testy by the time that I'm driving her to school and I'm wishing that it wasn't so. I hate this feeling!! We said our goodbyes, but there were no I love you's. And I hate that!! Then I get home and walk past her room and see that it's a disaster for one thing, but that she's taken her cellphone to school. And that's against the rules. So now I have to deal w/that again when she gets out of school today. I really don't want to, but you know, we follow the rules!!

Then someone called from the high school while I was on the phone, and I tried to answer, but they had already hung up, so now I'm wondering what THAT was. They haven't called back yet, so I'm assuming it must have not been too important, but it's in the back of my brain and bugging me, and I hate that!!

All these little things. That add up to one big thing. That in the scheme of things, will it matter? I keep on saying, well, maybe not. But then again, will it matter if she's not able to get herself up on her own and get to class in college on time? Or to work on time? Um, YES!! Will it matter if she disobeys the rules that are set up by her employer and she gets caught breaking those rules? Or she blatantly disregards authority all of her life and walks in rebellion? Um, YES again!! So yeah, it does matter. Man, this parenting stuff is a trip isn't it? All these decisions we have to make and do it right or screw our kids up forever. I have to say, I'm feeling overwhelmed. And not a drop of chocolate in the house!! ;o)

Happy Wednesday everyone!!

sad event

2008-08-25T13:11:00.000-04:00

When we arrived home on Saturday, Os cellphone went nuts *I had her leave it home when we left town on Friday. It was OUR time* a boy here in town had died. An apparent overdose of drugs. What's even more disturbing is that he obtained these drugs at the football game that O was so unhappy that she wasn't going to be attending. Allegedly there were a large group of middle school kids behind the bleachers passing these drugs around. He got a handfull of them and took them and he was found hanging in his closet later on in the evening. SO many questions/emotions run through my mind when something like this happens. The first one of course is "thank God that wasn't my child!!" God forgive me for being so selfish. But I have to be honest here. I would not want to be walking in those parents shoes.

The other one is, doggone it, what the heck is the matter w/these young kids that they are so hopped up *for lack of a better word* for a cheap thrill that they are willing to endanger their lives??? I just don't get it!! For crying out loud, when I was in middle school, I was still playing w/my Barbies. And I was test driving smoking cigarettes. I never would have thought about taking drugs or drinking or having sex, but nowadays it's common place. I was disgusted to learn a couple of years ago about the hooking up parties that the middle schoolers were having. Just sex for the sake of having sex. No relationships w/one another, no feelings, no emotions, just sex. ACK!!! What in the world are we letting our kids be a part of?? It's lunacy!! And to think that people thought I was a prude once I chaperoned one of the middle school dances. Um, I don't think so. More like a realist who firmly believes that young 12-14 year olds should not be bumping and grinding in public because it can lead to SEX!!!!! After all, I'm NOT stupid. But yet, people said, well that's just the way they dance. Uh, hello!!! That doesn't make it right!!

So now in two years we've had a drug incident at the first football game of the season. Last year there wasn't a death, but there was an arrest of one of Os classmates. 8th grade, and arrested for selling RX drugs at a football game. Taken from his moms medicine cabinet. And these drugs were also RX drugs. I have no idea where they came from, but now as a result, a 13 year old boy is dead. I wonder what the kids who were w/him are thinking? Do they feel remorseful? Are they scared? Do they realize their own mortality now? Will this scare them into not doing something like this in the future? And who do we send in to counsel/talk to these kids about their choices? Do we single them out? Do we address the student body as a whole? How do we deal w/something this tragic?

And beyond that ~ how do I keep my beautiful daughter from succumbing to the peer pressure that had to have been going on behind those bleachers? Do I trust my parenting skills enough to know that I have instilled the ability to ALWAYS make right choices? I mean after all, I made a LOT of wrong choices by the time I was in high school. A sophomore in high school like she is. All I can do is place this worry/fear/dread into Gods hands and pray that she avoids this situation like the plague and has enough backbone and self esteem to say NO!!

Hug your kids today!! We never know what tomorrow is going to bring.

spending time

2008-08-24T15:24:00.001-04:00

Joyce was awesome!! Can I say that more than once and not bore anyone? *lol* And traveling down to Indy for the first time w/me in the drivers seat was an experience that I'm glad I took advantage of. I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment for doing that. And I hope that O gained some respect for mom as a result.

I'm not sure what I was expecting from this weekend. I don't know if I had any preconceived notions about some things. I probably did. As I felt a little bummed that O didn't seem as on fire as I thought she would be during the worship portion of the evening. But she did listen to what Joyce had to say and laughed right out loud w/the rest of us when she was talking about praying over her tomatoes. So I was encouraged by that.

A thought struck me though before we left and again as we were traveling, there won't be a whole lot of times like this left. This might actually have been the last time that we go do something like this together as mother and daughter before she leaves for college & her own life. That's just how it is. She'll become more busy w/her friends and high school activities and a job and just her own teen life that these times of us together as a duo will come to an end. I don't recall spending a whole lot of alone time w/my mom as I got to be Os age and older. I just developed new interests and did a lot of things independantly of her. And I'm sure O will do the same thing. It makes me sad and happy all at the same time. Sad because she's pulling farther away and I know the closeness will be gone for a time until she's older and realizes that mom isn't half bad. But happy because there are so many exciting experiences ahead for her. And that is something that will bring me joy, because she will be excited and joyful.

It was definitely an interesting weekend in many respects. And I'm thankful and happy that we did it. And that we made it back safely. Now I just need to plan a weekend to spend w/my hubby. But first I'll have to find a place for O to hang out while we're gone. ;o)

Happy Sunday!!

traveling girls

2008-08-21T17:52:00.000-04:00

We leave tomorrow afternoon for Joyce. I'm SO excited!! I'm getting the feeling that O isn't feeling the same way though. *sigh* She keeps mentioning missing the first football game *there will be others, right?* and the first dance *again, others*. But she isn't completely forthcoming w/why it's so important to her. More of that secrecy stuff. Makes me nuts!! But I'll have to get over it, and pray that once we're on the road and get there, and her eyes start to glass over once we're in the mall that she'll be happy. *lol* I just keep on reminding her that shopping is also part of this trip. Maybe that will soothe her tormented soul. We'll see.

I won't be around for a couple of days since we are leaving. So this is a short post to tide me over until I get back.

Blessings all around. And hug those little ones, they grow up SO fast!!

Oscar the Grouch!

2008-08-21T07:53:00.000-04:00

The San Antonio trip was a growing experience for all of us. O gained some independance and learned a little more about responsibility as a result and we learned how to let go just a little bit more. It wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, but we all lived through it. And since her return, there is something a bit different about her. Less little girl, and more young woman in her attitude and the way she carries herself. Even the way she's dressing. More girly and sophisticated and less, I'm going out to shoot hoops!! *lol*

I sat yesterday and watched her get her first eyebrow wax. It was sort of surreal actually. What happened to my baby? Here she was laid back in the wash chair having hair ripped off her face. No more Oscar the Grouch eyebrows mom!! Hard to believe that this was the reason she kept wearing her hair over her eyes. Too bad she didn't just admit that three months ago. We could have done something about it then!! There's that complication thing. Of course she's even lovlier now than she was before. And she was pretty lovely then.

I think she's interested in a boy, but she's not talking. Also a feature of these teen years that I'm trying to adjust to and not particularly enjoying, the secrecy. It's hard for me to not have the open flowing dialog we once shared together. I'm so used to her telling me everything. And now there are things in her world that are kept close to the vest for a time until she's ready to reveal the mystery. I'm learning to deal *as it says on my MySpace*.

So we're off to see Joyce Meyer tomorrow afternoon, and to do some shopping. A girls overnight. I pray it goes well and that I don't end up in some awful traffic in downtown Indy. Makes me a little nervous. But then again, I have to be brave for my daughter. She's made me a stronger individual. For that I'm grateful!!

Guess that's all for today. I have SO much to do!!

Blessings ~

Life w/a teen

2008-08-20T14:29:00.000-04:00

I'm pretty sure my parents knew what I was in for. Sometimes there's a grin that passes across their faces as they witness me deal w/something w/my teenage daughter. A knowing smile perhaps? I don't know, maybe it's even my imagination. All I know is that when I started out on this parenting journey nearly 15 years ago, I had no idea that it would be this.........COMPLICATED!! I knew it would be difficult at times. I knew it would be frustrating, challenging, and fun. But I had NO idea it would be so darn complicated.

It's not just the whole emotional deal of it all. Trying to juggle my feelings of wanting respect as her parent w/her need to express herself and be able to convey her opinions to me. It's also the whole ball of wax that comes along w/having a kid this age. There is SO much to do. And so little time to do it in. You know, I didn't think I'd ever have a Mom's Taxi license plate on my car. I thought they were trite and ridiculous and that those moms should learn to say NO!! Well now here I am w/that plate on my car and not only is my daughter taking it literally, but so are her friends!! So on more than one occasion, I've had more than my limit of kids in my car. Ok, well I guess I don't mind that too much. I can be pretty flexible, and I did sign up for this whole shabang after all. It's what I longed for and prayed for a total of 15 years before it happened. So I count my blessings each day and say, thank You God that I have kids to cart around. And thank You that right now they're laughing and not giving me attitude!! ;o)

So this is the first of what I hope will be many blogs for me. Hope you'll come back often and check on what's up.

Blessings ~

Margo